Monday, April 11, 2011


I feel like I am down in that hole again. 

Fully functioning on the outside.  Still blogging away for Buy-Her with all that was Getting Gorgeous.  Taking the Big Guy to school, running errands with the boys ... even fit in starting to work out again.  Up and running at Cooking with Chaos with my girl Cissa.  (Look for Wednesday when we blog about the dish we made this week!)

On the inside though?  Overwhelmed is what I feel.  And teary eyed.

It started a day or so before the Big Guy's liquid stitches incident.  The dishes, the floors,the livingroom/playroom, the laundry... it's all slipping away from me. I'm getting it done, but not so well.  Stressed over the fact that I have yet to move on things with the Examiner when it's all right in front of me, and that it has been weeks since I have done anything additional with the Mommy GamerWhat is holding me back?  I feel my attention deficit kicking in full force here.  It's not like I don't have ideas.  I have millions of them.  It's more about the time (or lack there of) to sit down without interruption (which doesn't really happen when you have 3 little ones at home calling 'Mommy!' every 2 minutes).

And the fighting.  While waiting in front of the Big Guy's school at pick up today, the twins were messing around and the Doodle Bop ended up headbutting the Bunny Bee, splitting his top lip (again).  Blood.  Yaay.  As I write this post now?  The boys have winter gloves on to 'box' each other.  Two take turns in the 'ring' while the odd one out gets to 'bing' the imaginary bell to start the match.  The hell?!

Guess it was the Big Guy's turn to bing the bell this round.

Don't get me wrong, I love love love my babies.  Hell, I still want to add another baby to this mix.  I think that is part of what is bothering me lately too.  I found myself shocked as I bent over my birthday candles a few weeks ago and wished for another baby.  It had not currently been on my mind, where did that wish come from?  We talk about it here and there, but we had not just had the conversation.  In an ideal world I would put us on an adoption list for a baby girl right now ... but money aside we would need a bigger car and a bigger house... and oh my god four?  Can I do four?  I can do four, right?  I always wanted 4...

My husband's still working lots of hours.  Delivered the news today he won't be home for our traditional half hour dinner with the boys for the rest of week.  What's a half hour right?  We still see him in the mornings now, I see him when he gets home at night... but I am bummed. 

I want out of this rut I've put myself in.  I want to enjoy the boys more, instead of being aggravated.  This past week though, I am just miserable and can't seem to get out of my own way to do much about it.  Off to go make sure the boxers hang up those gloves and step out of the ring for the night.


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