Wednesday, November 10, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today

The reason you believe you're still alive today.

This topic I struggle with. Because I don't know that I know just what the reason is. And I worry I am wasting my time on this earth Wondering what it is I should be doing, instead of Doing what it is I was meant to do.

I was 4, or 5 (in pre school). Just about the same age the Big Guy is now. I got really sick. I almost died. I remember small bits and pieces. Complaining my throat hurt, throwing up the snack my dad had given me. Our neighbor Kathy rushing my mom & I to the hospital so my dad could stay with my younger sister and brother. The lights on the ceiling at the hospital. Crying for my mom as we raced down the hallway. The start of being put under.

And after? Tubes down my nose and throat. Sharing a room with a little boy who cried all.the.freaking.time. It was maybe a week before I was able to go home I think. The only thing I remember about coming home was my sister crashing into me to give me a hug.

It was Epiglottitis. Which according to Wikipedia is an "inflammation of the epiglottis - the flap that sits at the base of the tongue, which keeps food from going into the trachea (windpipe). Due to its place in the airway, swelling of this structure can interfere with breathing and constitutes a medical emergency. The infection can cause the epiglottis to either obstruct or completely close off the windpipe".

I have been told I was like 12 hours away from dying. And my whole entire childhood after that, whenever I went to the pediatrician, it was always the same. The doctor would often say 'Michele?' No, that was my aunt - we were only a few years apart. She must have taken out the charts of everyone in the family - every time. Then she would say my name... followed by 'the little girl who almost died'.

I shit you not.

My mom tried explaining it was because she was proud that she recognized what was wrong and sent us to the hospital where the staff was waiting.

Had the tubes not worked I would have needed a tracheotomy. Not that you come across it frequently, but whenever I see someone with a scar on their throat I am instanly reminded of just how lucky I am to be here - and not to have had to go through that. Season 4 of American Idol - Anthony Federov. He had one for a different reason but that whole season was a reminder to me to always be thankful.

There's more to the story, it nearly had a different ending. My dad didn't know just how sick I was - and really how could he have. My mom was working that day at a brand new job. She came home early because she was pregnant, and something was wrong.
That's the part they didn't tell me about until I was a teenager.
She came home, knew something wasn't right with me and called Kathy. Who was a nurse if I remember that right, and her husband's brother died of epiglottitis when he was younger. She recognized it, they confirmed with the pediatrician and everything turned out ok. Because here I am today. Except I have 2 siblings, not 3.

When I REALLY think about all of these things that had to happen the way they did, it freaks me out a little. I mean what were the odds?!

Ever since I was told the Whole story, there has been this little nagging voice in the back of my head. I don't hear it all the time. But sometimes I just can not help but wonder.

Why am I here? Is there something I am suposed to do?

I really believe that there is. And it's the reason why I am alive today. I wonder now that I have had children if it's about something that I am suposed to do myself... or is it something one of my boys will go on to do. And I needed to be here to have and raise him.

Sounds out there, I know... but something like that really makes you wonder about things. And while I KNOW there is a reason that I am still alive today, I am still trying to figure out just what that reason is.

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