Monday, September 19, 2011

The beat of my heart

Hear that sound?

Shh... can you hear it?

That would be my heart beating... and it feels like it's about to come out of my chest.

Sometimes I think it's interesting maybe? how life just ... happens.  Friday morning I met Jules at the hospital while she took a test for her new job and sat with the girls in the cafeteria.  Ran into a friend who had a baby girl that morning.  A few hours later I found out another friend's grandfather had passed away.  Saturday the boys went from the soccer field to a dear little friend's birthday party at a farm.  Sunday we had lunch with the family and then attended a wake.  Today the boys were back on track with school and Al was at work.  Beginnings, endings and everything in between all rolled into one weekend.

I don't feel like I am back on track though.  I am coming up to just a few days before a totally minor surgery I have to have (and care not to talk about at the same time).  For weeks I have been able to pretty much put it out of my mind as if it wasn't going to happen.  The last night I had to complete a half hour of paperwork for the surgery which included my religion and the name of my church.

And I have sort of been having an internal freak out ever since.

In the next three days I have mounds of laundry to do, an entire house that I never really end up cleaning to get clean, the regular day to day like school and meals and bath time for the kids... some work I need to get caught up on and several (several) posts I need to get written.  And I have just three days to get it all done.

Did I mention I am finally hosting that Pinkberry event with Savor The Thyme this week too?  That's Wednesday night.  Very exciting!  I told myself I would get so much done today but instead I spent the day on and off the couch with the boys just hanging out with them.  While I needed it just as much as they did, it didn't help me check anything off of my massive list.

And tomorrow.  All I can say is I feel like something big may be about to happen tomorrow... which maybe I can discuss another time (cryptic I know, sorry).  Excited and not feeling well all at the same time.  I want this so much it's crazy.  And on top of it all I just put 3 boys back in bed at twenty of nine on a school night, one of whom was crying his eyes out.

After all this time I should be full on used to functioning in the chaos.  I am.  Usually.  But right now, at this moment?  I just want my heart to stop beating out of my chest and to feel like I have time to get it all done.