Ever feel like you are stuck right where you are - while also being pulled in several different directions? I'm being pulled, but my feet are still planted. I think that's how things are right now. I feel like I have been composing this very post in my head for what seems like days now. But I can't make all the words come out right.
Things with the dog? I know you know how that is turning out. I guess that's a blog post for another day because right now I just can't.
Last week brought some serious changes. In addition to leaving some things behind, there were new things we started as well. We buckled down and started seriously looking at new areas. Houses, neighborhoods, schools and more.
And I have done so much ... soul searching I guess. This house that we live in? Has never really ever felt like home. Just the place that we lived. Our first apartment? That felt like home. An entirely too tiny one, but it was home. Moving into this one over 10 years ago, I told myself that it would feel like home over time. In what seemed like the blink of an eye it went from too much space for the two of us, to crazy small for the five of us. I realize that we spent so many years talking about moving on, having one foot out the door ... I mean our first child wasn't even supposed to go to Kindergarten where we are (by original plans) ... how could it ever have felt like more than just the place that we live?
The last year and a half has been a constant roller coaster when it comes to trying to sell this house and move on to where we want to be. We never imagined we would still be here now, still trying to work it all out. My mantra for over the last year has been hold the vision trust the process. No matter how hard it has been, how much I started to doubt it, I held on to that. I said it to myself all the time. I packed up part of the house, took all the photos from the walls ... surely something would come.
Last week I thought I found what we were looking for. And it couldn't have been at a better time with less than 2 weeks till the start of school for the kids. For 3 days we went back and forth with someone who misrepresented who they were. I knew something wasn't adding up but I wanted it to work ... only to find out it was all a scam. I am so thankful I knew better than to give out certain information - or send money - but I was so mad that I wasted my time. And that someone would do such a thing.
Our relator is getting a list put together for us of places we can start checking out tomorrow. To rent instead of buy - so we can take more time and figure out what it is that we really want. Because everywhere we really want doesn't seem to be available right now.
I'm trying hard to go with the flow, see where things take us ... but I think we all know I'm not really a go with the flow gal. I'm a planner and I will plan that ish to death. (Ask my husband who I am currently driving crazy.) The up in the air stuff is really hard for me. I'm taking today to just ... do nothing. Do what I have to do, but house wise, nothing. Tomorrow I will wake up and it will be on. Pulling out the boxes and going room to room.
Getting rid of what we don't need, boxing anything that I can. With all the things I have let go of in the process, how can there Still be so much stuff left. Endless.
If there really is something to this whole manifesting/visioning thing ... now is the time it all needs to come together.