Paging Evie

So it's no secret around here with the lack of posting that I have just not really been in the mood to write lately. It certainly isn't because we don't have anything going on. My head spins weekly trying to juggle swim, wrestling, gymnastics, tutoring, work, PT/OT/doctors and trying to fit in every last item on the summer list before we run out of time.

But by the time I sit down for the night? I have a million things I could be writing about, but pretty much just sit on the couch and stare at the TV. Hell, even I know I don't have time for that. I have about 2 and a half more weeks to clean out this entire house because it's going on the market. But somehow I can't manage to get anything done. Procrastination and my ADD at it's finest. I know it. I also know that I will cram it all into the last week. I will be miserable in the process, but I will get it done at the last second like I always do.

Tonight I actually shut the laptop down around 9pm - which is really early honestly. I checked the kids at 10 like I always do and got in bed to watch some TV. I felt my laptop calling me. To blog. So I started it back up because I have that overwhelming urge to pour out my feelings. And that hasn't really happened this summer before now.

This entire year was difficult for me for so many reasons. My oldest finally in full day school, my babies going to Kindergarten. I may be the only mom out there who is currently dreading the start of school. For close to 8 years now I have had at least one baby (sometimes two, sometimes three) home with me at least half days.

In two weeks? Both of my babies leave me at once and go to first grade.

For so many years when I was overwhelmed it felt like it would never get here. I have said it many times. And now I can't slow it all down fast enough.

I have this need to hit the breaks. To stop time. Yes, the house may finally be quieter ... the neighbors won't be listening to the ruckus that is always our house ... my work might even get done ahead of time. I will be able to take on more clients like I have wanted to.

But my heart is aching in a way I can not even describe.

With the Big Guy, it was tough - but I was more proud and excited for him because he was the oldest and I knew that he needed that independence that school brought from his brothers. I tell myself maybe I wouldn't feel so bad if the twins were not twins ... a year apart I could take. One goes, then the other. But when it's both of the 'babies' at once?

Killing me.

And I think what makes it even worse than that, is where we are. In just two weeks I have to return them to the very school that I again tried to permit out of just before they made the announcement permits would be denied. And for so very many reasons I won't even get into right now, it makes me ill because I want so much more for them. This house can not sell fast enough for me. If I could enroll the boys just about anywhere else in the meantime, I would do it.  It's somewhat of a comfort to know we will not finish out the school year where we are ... but it doesn't really make it easier right now.

How and when did these little chocolate covered faces that needed me for everything

grow up to be this big on me

Someone get me Evie Garland. I need her to stop time. I just can't do all three boys in full day school. And yes, I will be a mess the next two weeks. That I can guarantee.

Wordless Wednesday: Kindergarten Graduation edition

In case you missed the news...

MY BABIES GRADUATED KINDERGARTEN!

Not so Wordless Wednesday - Kindergarten High Fashion

Another Wordless Wednesday that requires a little explanation. 

So there was a time when Frankie was about 2 that he insisted on wearing shorts all winter... the best compromise I could make was letting him wear them OVER sweatpants... which he rocked for months.  It's killing me I can't find a photo right now, there must be tons. 

And there was also a time that he may have worn his complete fuzzy monkey costume from Halloween everywhere he went for weeks on end as well.  I'm talking on errands, around the mall, the market...the Emergency Room (story for another time)...

The twins though?  They waited till the big 5 to come up with their own style.  Each and every morning Al and I can hear them in their room asking each other does this look good? ... at FIVE! 

I'm calling it Kindergarten High Fashion.

Dress pants, long sleeve shirt and that sleeveless orange shirt we couldn't get enough of over the summer?  Check! 

Reindeer sweater (before Thanksgiving) with blue striped sweatpants?  Check!

Added the ties and the hats at the last moment, after the jackets were on, going out the door for school.  Send this one to Great Grama in Florida!  Do you see the way the Doodle Bop opened his jacket so you could see him in the photo better?

Plaid shirt with the striped tie (this was for a party by the way) .... check!

New ties picked out the day before, worn to Kindergarten on a long sleeve T-shirt and a Goofy sweatshirt.  Check.

Hat day at school.  They wanted to go Crazy.  We have tons of hats, but they chose to wear their winter hats in class... like this.  For the afternoon. 

And I am loving every second of it.  How do your little ones dress?

The Doodle Bop's terrible horrible no good very bad week

My poor Doodle Bop has had a pretty tough week for a 5 year old. 

Nightmares here and there. Last night he came into the room crying around 2am, but could not say what was so scary. School didn't go that well according to him either.

A few days ago his twin brother got his first 'shark ticket' for picking up books in the classroom. But MOMMY! I pushed in all the chairs after snack like I do every day and I didn't get a shark ticket! 

Shark tickets can be traded for little snacks or prizes each week in the 1st grade and my oldest gets them daily for being good. This is new to Kindergarten and apparently not given out very often... so the twins tell me anyway. The day the Bunny Bee finally got one, the Doodle Bop was devastated. He told all the moms on the playground he would never get one.

The very next afternoon he came out of school yelling MOMMY! I GOT A SHARK TICKET! Best part is he claimed he couldn't remember what he even did to get one. 

Fast forward to today. Stomping his feet because now the Bunny Bee had TWO shark tickets and he still only had one. And something about a tally starting Monday. The poor thing complained about it the whole walk home. I thought I had calmed him down when we got into the house. 

I was wrong.

MOMMY! Do you know that NOT GETTING a shark ticket STINKS! he yelled as he threw his hands up in the air for emphasis. Hilarious, adorable and yet I felt so bad for him. He is the kid that keeps it all bottled up till he snaps. This was him snapping.

For the rest of the afternoon he whined from the couch or clung to my arm. During dinner he looked at me and half yelled out of nowhere MOMMY! When I was in the coat closet before school with all my friends - except for the Bunny Bee - he was not there.  I was in the closet and I asked every single one if they had the new mini gas car 3 on DVD.  And they all said YES! All of them!  But NOT ME!  Cue the pout and folded arms.

"Mini gas car 3" is Madagascar 3 by the way. I know I wasn't supposed to laugh, but I laughed so freaking hard. It took everything I had to stifle it. And the night went on from there. At bedtime I got MOMMY! Tuck me into bed!  Mommy I had a very bad day.  All week. 

I tucked my little guy in and gave him kisses. I told him that I knew he had a bad week but tomorrow would be better. And that child was out cold within minutes.

Oh the drama of being five.

Adjusting. Maybe.

I thought this adjustment would be so much easier. 

My first grader has actually done better than expected.  I still hear the daily complaint that he doesn't want to go to school, but by the time we have walked over he can't seem to wipe the smile from his face so I have to guess that things really are not so bad.

The twins on the other hand... one of them is taking the change so so... and the other lets me know every.chance.he.gets. that he is not happy.  Right down to sprawling across my bed the moment I opened my laptop to write this morning, just to tell me he 'isn't feeling so happy' and he just wanted me to know.

Color me not surprised.  Even my grandmother noticed his pout yesterday (and it wasn't even a school day).  The Doodle Bop is not feeling so happy because of Kindergarten.  He claims he is bored.  Things are not fun.  I did happen to see him several times Friday as I worked the school book fair and he looked like he was having a ball each time I saw him.  To which he tells me it was just because he saw me.  I don't know what to believe.

I don't like the change I am seeing in my child, but I also remember him going through this at the beginning of pre-K before he settled in.  This time around it is harder because the school is new AND his class meets in the afternoon (the time of day he needs to zone and now has to pay attention).  I'm happy to be working the book fair again today and tomorrow so I can see what his mood is like in school again. 

All I know is that I can't take a minute more of this little one balled up on the couch in his dinosaur blanket.

Now to figure out how to handle the changes to my own schedule.  I have always done my writing in the morning, and a little at naptime.  And some again at night if I needed to.  Now that my morning is completely thrown into chaos with the boys home I need to figure out a new way to do things.  It used to be able to write with them here, but since school started (and their moods have changed), I am finding I need to settle into an entirely new schedule...which I have yet to come up with.

Right now I'm going to work on some 5 Minutes for Mom posts due this week.  Check back here tomorrow for a Chuck E Cheese giveaway (for THREE readers) ... and I am making it my mission to get back to regular Buy-Her posting if it's the last thing I do.  So many things in the works I need to get cracking!

But first the Bunny Bee needs me to put together his transformer Dinosaur.  Leg came off.  And the Doodle Bop has again moved his spot to mope from the couch to my bed.  And spell check is not working!  Doesn't blogger know how much I need spell check?!

Chuck E Cheese - giveaway - tomorrow - be here!!! 

Where we are now

It has been entirely too quiet around here lately... between the summer business trips, playing catch up and now the boys going back to school. 

I have spent the last few days barely blogging, facebooking or tweeting.  I haven't been talking to anyone really.  And I have been in a mood.  It took me a good day or so to put my finger on just what it was.  Yesterday morning it came out in a flood of tears before Al left for work.

My babies are all leaving me at once.  And it will continue to happen over the years.

I spent the last six years teetering between happy and miserable, overwhelmed with three little babies at home and like I have said before, feeling like we would never make it to school age.  Here we are and its official.  No more pre-K for anyone. The Big Guy started first grade, which means he is now gone for the day.  The twins are in Kindergarten - which means in just one year they will also be gone all day. 

I thought I would feel such relief, sort of like oh my God this is so great!  Instead I feel sort of wrecked... like I did not appreciate the time I had with them and I need to do it all over again. 

And by that I mean I need more babies at home.  Or one.  I don't know.  I just have this overwhelming feeling of this can't be it.  Maybe I wouldn't feel like this if I didn't have 3 boys in the span of 18 months... who are all pretty much doing everything at the same time, instead of one at a time. 

For now we are putting it all on hold, seeing how this year (and hopefully Finally selling our house) goes... and then we will go from there.  In the meantime I know that I need to get back to building my empire, getting CorboMedia off the ground finally, and getting my blog on. 

After all, on the way over to Kindergarten this afternoon, the Doodle Bop looked at me and said Mom?  Um ah... could you please not walk with us? He then grabbed the Bunny Bee and hopped into line. 

Why is it so hard feeling like your babies don't really need you anymore.

Summer's end

I can hardly believe that I have tucked the boys into bed, summer is over and school begins in the morning.  A whole new school for the boys.

I wanted to make today special for them, especially since I have spent so much time away this summer.  I dragged myself out of bed for a final summer day spent at the beach - but in the end I could only rally for a half day.  Crazy waves and the sky was a really pretty color that kind of melted in somewhere with the ocean.  I explained to the boys it was the hurricane coming up the coast that made everything look the way it did.

At first I hesitated about letting them get in the water.  I am not a strong swimmer and the waves were scaring me.  We settled on how far they were allowed to go out while I stayed in the water with them and they were off on their boogie boards.  Surfing.  The Bunny Bee kept yelling Mommy!  I am having the best day of my entire life!  And I tried to pretend I didn't notice as the Big Guy inched back further and further to catch a better wave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the way home we hit up Dunkin Donuts for the Oreo filled special all around.  Once we were home and showered up, the new school jitters set in - beyond anything I have ever seen.  The Doodle Bop was teary and telling me how he did not want to go somewhere new, the Bunny Bee kept asking about his old friends... and the Big Guy actually put himself to bed.  For the entire afternoon.  The kid that will try refusing sleep when he has a high temperature and can barely keep his eyes open, just because.  That kid slept for a few hours in my bed, then put himself down in his until dinner.

At dinner we had a big family talk about how it will be OK being in a new school, that they will make friends.  The whole thing broke my heart for them.  After dinner we took a long drive by the farms and the water and the twins passed right out.  Getting home they all decided on their first day outfits and we put them to bed. 

I can hardly believe that in the morning, I walk my oldest over to first grade...full day school!  And that in the afternoon?  Al will stop home on lunch so he and I can walk our baby boys to Kindergarten. 

Graduations, Big Boys and Father's Day

Excuse my lack of posting. Two words. Hella.Sick.

Out of nowhere. Thursday morning I thought my allergies were bad. When the allergy pill didn't help at all I started to wonder. And hope that I was not getting sick. I sure felt fine aside from the sneezing. By Thursday night I'd gone through a box of tissues and could not breathe. I was up till like 3am only to have to wake up at 7am to get the Big Guy ready for his Kindergarten graduation.

He was handsome. It was adorable. I wanted to write a big giant mushy post... but in a way? I have no words. My first baby.

After graduation we took all the boys to Chelo's Waterfont for the first time. They love Chelos but had never been to this one. We told them they needed to have a special lunch to celebrate graduation week. We sat outside and they had the best time standing on the dock looking out into the water and watching the boats.

That afternoon I was down for the count and slept on and off for hours. Whatever it was had hit me hard and I could not function...or blog all the cute Kindergarten graduation things I thought I would. I barely remember Al waking me to tell me his Uncle Otto was here from Guatemala and he was taking the boys to visit him. Saturday morning I was able to get over there with them for another visit.

I was determined to function because my family from Colorado had come in the night before. Not sure how I did it, but I made it to the cookout. And with the help of my cousin Kerri (we are the loud ones) organized a group photo of all the cousins on my Dad's side of the family. ALL. Like this may very well be the only shot of every single one of us together. And I love it to pieces. Look how cute we are. Ages 35 to 11 months old.

By the time we were home last night and got the kids into bed (hours late) I actually had no voice. None at all. And today you can hear me but trust me it sounds horrible. The boys think its hysterical. Something about telling the Bunny Bee that I can't really talk makes him HAVE to immediately ask me triple the number of usual questions... and still expect answers.

We had a great Father's Day. Everyone got up early, the boys gave Al the present they picked out, the things they had made in school and even promised to clean his car later. Totally their idea and it made me melt that they came up with that on their own.

First stop was the Will Speck Memorial Race, put on by our friend Juliette in memory of her dad. Our second year. The boys were so excited to donate their older pairs of sneakers (of which we had many) to help other kids and it makes me so happy that is a part of the day. All the boys were in new age brackets this year and for the Big Guy that meant an entire lap around the track.

He did amazing! For being the youngest in that bracket - and smallest - never mind the cp... my God I was all teary watching him run! 3/4ths of the way he was NOT in last place, there were kids behind him. Older kids. I was screaming my heart out though I know he could not hear me since I barely had a voice.

He was running out of steam and fell into last place. 5th out of 5 at the finish. It killed me a little when he asked me if anyone finished behind him. I told him yes, there was one boy behind him. And he beamed. I hated not being truthful but I could see in his face he needed that boost for his self confidence. 

The twins were crazy confident at the beginning. Hamming it up as always. 

They ran as a team, not individually...like everyone else. They took 5th place and participant ribbons but that was ONLY because they didn't run to the guy with the sticks. It was too funny. They crossed that line together and stopped, while kids that came in after them ran for the sticks. And they didn't even notice. The Bunny Bee cried because he couldn't pin his ribbon on and that was all. Crazy proud of all my boys.

After that we had the Big Guy's baseball game... and after THAT (yeah I know) we hit up Roger Williams Zoo for a few hours as a family. Hasbro's Our Big Back Yard is a very impressive addition, it was the boys absolute favorite part.

Now it's just about 9am and I am beyond drained.  Looking forward to the boys last day of school tomorrow and crossing my fingers that I wake up feeling better - and with more of a voice back.

Kindergarten registration and tickly teeth

This morning was Kindergarten registration for the Bunny Bee and the Doodle Bop.

They were all smiles and poses this morning after they got dressed.

When it was time to go, we walked around the corner to the school and they talked the whole entire way.  We walked right in and then it happened.  They lost their little voices.  If anyone even looked at them?  They averted their eyes and slowly turned their heads in a different direction.  Oh yeah, and they declined snacks which included chocolate.munchkins and apple juice.

I said chocolate munchkins and apple juice people!

Upon noticing one of their old teachers in the building they perked up and spoke with her for a minute, but then decided they would be mute again.  Just when I thought they had warmed up.

Not only would they not seperate from me, but they each held onto a leg so tightly I was waddling.  When it was time for me to sit with the school nurse and go over paperwork, they tagged along with me instead of going to check out the class.  These guys wouldn't even sit in the chairs that were next to me.  They just each gripped on to my arms.

As I started the paperwork the reading teacher came over and was able to show them some bookbags the kindergartners were being given and suddenly the boys were interested.  They were so excited by the new book inside that even though they didn't crack a smile, they were suddenly willing to go check the other things out and off they went.

When I finished, I was so happy to find them sitting at a table with other children coloring after eating a snack after all.  The best part?  The Bunny Bee was asked if he liked to color and he nodded seriously and said something to the effect of Yeah.  I'm pretty good at it.  I stay in the lines.

That kid held up the paper and pointed to some tiny spots and said Except these little pieces.  I don't bother with them.

And my child was back. 

On the way out we took a photo and this is how the boys decided they would pose.

These two are in love with the new books they got!

And because everything always tends to happen at once with the kids... we were cutting it too close to pick up the Big Guy from school so Al went and got him.  He took him to his office.  One of the girls gave the Big Guy a Starburst candy.  No sooner were they in the parkinglot to go to lunch when the Big Guy lost a bottom tooth that he didn't even know was loose.

Actually a great thing it happened like that.  After losing the first three teeth to injury he was terrified to lose another... no matter how many times we told him when a tooth is actually ready it won't hurt.  He said he was eating the candy and his tooth felt all tickly... and then he pulled it out.

This kid is going to pick my lottery numbers next.  Do you know what book he brought home from library today?  One about a dog having a loose tooth. 

Christmas Eve morning surprise

Christmas Eve morning and I already got one of the best presents ever.  Actually brought me to tears.  I was watching the news in bed right after Al went to work this morning and the Big Guy came in with one of the biggest smiles ever with a bag he'd pulled out from under the tree.

I told you you would open this on Christmas Eve Mommy, open it open it! he said handing me the big white bag.

It's been under the tree about a week I think.  When he brought it home from Kindergarten he was so excited he told me it was for me and that he wanted to wrap it a little extra.  He asked that I help him wrap it, but to keep it a secret.  (Too cute!)  He then realized what he said and told me Daddy would help instead.

I told him that I could wait for tomorrow to open it, but he insisted I open it right then.

Inside, I found this.

The poem is hard to read from the photo I know, but it mentions how at this age fingerprints get left on the walls.  Over time they will fade but I can keep this to remember how small his hands were.  That combined with the fact that he just turned the big 6 a few days ago and I was teary eyed like you wouldn't believe.

He was so proud.  I made it all for you Mommy, I made it all for you.

He hung it up in my room for me after picking out just the right spot. 

I will treasure this always.

No longer my babies

I have a lot to update I know.  Last week was amazing being at Style Week Providence every night.  (Also exhausting, but I'll live.)  Took a small hiatus for the week while I soaked it all in, wrote four articles for Buy-Her and still have two to go.  This weekend I have not been able to get past what tomorrow will bring.

Actual concrete evidence that I no longer have babies. 

All three of my boys start school tomorrow.  While the Big Guy has been in a pre-K for years, tomorrow it's the big leagues.  Kindergarten.  And the twins?  Well the Bunny Bee and the Doodle Bop will be in the pre-K classroom right around the corner from the Big Guy's kindergarten room. Same school.  Five mornings a week.  And so it begins.  The realization that I will never ever have babies home with me full time again.

Last week I was serious when I said Jules and I had been through enough having 3 babies each in just a year and a half, school needed to start and not be postponed after Hurricane Irene.  It felt like we had waited so long ... only to have to stop and wait again.  The last few years felt like it took forever to go by in some respects.  I could not see getting here - to this day. 

And now that I am here?  And it's all gone by?  All I can think about is these three little faces.

And wonder how it was we got here.